Since tomorrow is Ash Wednesday I thought it would be a great time to broach this “sensitive” subject: I live with my boyfriend. Before you die from the collective gasps (although my living arrangements are stated in the header of the site), realize I live in The South. Typically, when you think Florida, you don’t think of The South, you know, the one you learned about so much in school. Sure, Florida is in the south, but Florida is where oranges and old people are from! You don’t think it is apart of the infamous Bible Belt.
Ah yes, but I never got specific with which part of The South I’m located in. See the wikipedia map? Yes, we’re located in northern Florida. It only takes about a 30-minute drive until we hit Georgia.
My Mom grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah as a practicing Mormon. My great-great grandmother (whom I was named after) traveled the Mormon trail and kept a diary (I happen to have a copy of said bound diary). When my Mom married she converted to my Dad’s religion. Growing up, religion never really had a role in my life, though. The only exposure I had with church was occasionally going with my friends and totally being lost when they talked about the Biblical stories and these things called “morals” (joking). During school, people assumed I was really religious since I was very, very quiet and pretty withdrawn. No offense intended, but this is what people assumed about me based on my character.
Part of me believed in God (or some divine being) but as I grew older, I found myself seeing the arguments from both sides and being undecided as to where I stand. Currently my stance is “I’m Agnostic”.
Before moving to The South, religion was never an issue. Since moving here, it almost feels like, sometimes, I’m being beaten over the head with the religious message. I accept people’s beliefs, just as I wish to have the same done to me. What I have a hard time accepting, especially since moving to The South, is the judgement I will receive while out doing chores.
Take, for example, when I went to get my Florida license plates. This, in itself, was a long and painfully drawn out experience. Between having to take time off work to get it dealt with, insurance issues, and (oops) my Washington tabs running out, having my wisdom teeth removed gave me more pleasure than this experience. On my first visit to the wonderful employees of the DMV, I happened to go to the Queen Bee of the DMV. For some reason, she asked me if I had the same last name as Mack. Chuckling, I said no we are not married so we have different last names.
Puckered lips.
Judgement filled eyes that won’t look at me.
“Oh… I see.”
If this was an isolated instance, I’d understand. But it’s not. And it happens, unfortunately, fairly often. At the grocery store, pharmacy, wherever it comes up that me and my boyfriend are living in Mortal Sin with Different Last Names. In The South. In YOUR neighborhood. And yes, the reason why we have different last names is because we’re not married.
Lock up your house; me and my “loose” morals on are on a rampage!
According to the 2000 U.S. census:
“. . . the number of unmarried-partner households had increased to 5.5 million, of which 4.9 million consisted of partners of the opposite sex. In 1990, unmarried-partner households accounted for 3.5 percent of all households, while in Census 2000 they accounted for 5.2 percent of all households.” [page 7]
For being such a high number, and the whole unmarried partners living together being fairly commonplace today and on the rise… what’s with all the judgement?
I guess I just wish people would take a chill pill with the judgement and trying to “save me”. Many a conversation has been had around me about religion, church, etc, and while I’m totally chill with your beliefs, giving me the sideways look or making a point to have me listen?
Not particularly cool.
I just wish, in my heart of hearts, that people could be accepting of me and my beliefs as I am of theirs. Though, that is an idea for a perfect world and this? This is by no means a perfect world.
Technorati Tags: religion, intolerance, the south, bible belt, living in sin, mortal sin, judgement, prejudice
5 Comments
George and I lived together ‘in sin’ for years before we married. My mother said ‘If he’s good enough to live with, he’s good enough to marry’. Really, Mom?
I pointed out that my five other siblings had all gotten divorced in the previous year, nastily so. So, like being the first to go to college, I was the first to live in sin.
She dropped the subject.
i dont think its as big as a deal as anyone here is making it. I’m not from a really religious area or family, but im about to “live in sin” with my girlfriend. I mean i dont have the money to marry her i’m coming right out of highschool, going straight to Universtiy, working my way through with the scholarships i’ve obtained, but i just dont have the money to throw her the kind of wedding i know she and i would want. I dont have an extra 15,000 dollars just sitting around. I mean i would marry her right here and now, but the thing is, i can’t afford it! is it so bad that i want to be with her for the rest of my life, but can’t marry her out of sheer lack of money. So i plan to attend college save as much money as we can together, get well paying jobs with these degrees, and then when i feel that it would be the responsible thing to do, ill propose. So i see no problem with you and Mack. I say, good job, dont listen to people stuck in the 1800′s.
Thanks for leaving a reply!
Yeah, I realize that our nation was founded on Puritan beliefs but it is 2009. Our parents don’t really care that we are “living in sin” and I think for couples to really last through marriage they should live with each other for awhile before marriage. That way you know what you’re getting into lol. Two of my brothers are married now and lived with their (now) spouse for a few years before marriage and I believe it made their marriage stronger and their resolution to stay together firm.
I wish you luck with college and being with your girl! Thanks again for the comment.
Hey!I found your blog thru pioneer woman, u seem like a cool person. I can totally relate to what ur saying in this post. i’m muslim and judged all the time because i cover and don’t look like everyone else.
Thanks for the comment Bella! Yeah it really unfortunate how much emphasis our society places on categorizing people and putting them into “boxes” so we can make snap judgements instead of actually getting to know the individual. I know I can be guilty of it sometimes too and I know it’s human nature but it still sucks.
The people who don’t both to get to know you though aren’t worth it in the end and you’re made of all things awesome and those who do get to know you? Well, they are rewarded by getting to know you.
Don’t know if that makes much sense and is kind of a tangent but yeah, I get what you’re saying and it sucks. Thanks for the comment and you too seem like a cool individual.
Hope to hear more from/about you! 