People with egos drive me crazy. It has always been something that has bothered me to the core of my being and makes me grind my teeth in frustration. I don’t get why people feel the need to make others feel like shit while they rule over you with their supreme powers of awesome. Sure, I get that some people know their stuff and are really good at what they do and thus the ego is justifiable. However, do you really need to choke me with it?

By nature I’m a fairly modest person. I have a moderate self-esteem and, most of the time, don’t think very highly of my work. I’m my own worse critic. Constantly I push myself further, harder, knowing that while that certain something I did was good, it could have been better. If only I had read so-and-so’s article it would have given be better insight into this project! If only I hadn’t taken time to read that article I could have instead been practicing this skill set. Why are there never enough hours in the day for me to improve on all the things that interest me?

When complimented on something I’ve done, I turn shy and either self depreciate the piece of work or else be a smart ass and say something like “Of course, because I am amazing and a goddess divine.” Despite what people assume— that it is a false sense of modesty while I fish for compliments— that is not the case. While I do love getting compliments (since, come on, who doesn’t?) I wonder what they would think if they could see something amazing I have done, instead of the mediocre piece they see before them. I guess I am admitting I’m a perfectionist. Whatever my finished product is, as soon as I have completed it with my blood, guts, and soul intertwined into it I always think: I could have done better.

A weird personality quirk is that I can take critique in the professional environment and work with it. I go into work with the attitude of it being a learning experience where I can absorb the knowledge of those around me and get ideas I wouldn’t otherwise have thought of. When it comes to my personal, off-the-clock, and purely for me type projects critique can be often soul-crushing. I’ve been upset when people remark on typos and a few grammar errors here since I have poured my heart and soul into here and honestly have tried. Instead of shutting down, however, I work through it and work harder to make myself better. I read through it ten times, double checking, and have my amazing boyfriends read through it before it gets posted.

What gets my goat (baa) is people who have the sense of huge accomplishment and worth when, frankly, they kind of suck at what they think they are amazing at. Sure, their creations could be amazing in their eyes but when the majority can’t see why this person thinks they are “da shit”, it says something. In the art field, especially while going through the ropes of the educational system, I met MANY an individual who thought they were Gods Gifts to All Things Artistic. The expression “they think their shit does not stink” fit these individuals to a T. They’d boost up their work to such heights and expectations when you finally saw their projects and skill set you were like “well, isn’t that a crushing disappointment.”

I’ve seen people strangled by their own ego. The people who think they are the best of the best often are very closed minded to critique and outside influences. Some students I took classes with at the beginning of my art school education would later disappear, failing their classes for their refusal to learn something other than their own ideas. The students would feel that the school was trying to “break their artistic spirit” and make them “conform.” I ask them why they bothered spending money for an education they were unwilling to partake in?

I wish people wouldn’t let their egos get the best of them. Many an individual who is “open-minded” are often closed-minded and will talk down to me if my views are different from their own, especially in regards to their work or ideas. We can all learn from each other. There is always room for improvement, always room to grow. If you open your mind you can learn so much. Why stunt yourself by letting your own ego get in the way of forward progression?

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