People find it really weird that I am friends with one of my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. I’ve discussed “the ex factor” before and to this day both that ex and I have been questioned endlessly by people of “How can you be friends with her? Isn’t it, like, awkward?” Actually, no, thanks for asking, for the millionth time.

Mack’s ex is currently about eight months pregnant with her first child. She has called me every-so-often to regale me with the “wonders” of pregnancy, thus ensuing that I don’t want to be pregnant for the next ten years. Mack and I were one of the first few people she told of the pregnancy and we’ve supported her as best we could from 3000 miles away.

While I am friends with this ex girlfriend, his previous one (aka the one before me) and I do not get along. At all. We have never met face to face and I bet she and I will go to extreme lengths to prevent ever having to meet. I say this about her since her name alone brings shivers down my spine and generally puts me in a bad mood. I am sure, of course, that the same feelings are felt about me by her.

Her name also happens to be the name of the pregnant ex’s sister. This is extremely important to remember. Let’s call her “Jane” just for clarity sake.

Last week when I was retrieving the mail I was surprised to find a card addressed to me. Usually, my mail consists of bills and credit card offers. Who cared enough to send me a letter? Now, a few weeks ago, pregnant-ex told me that she was going to have a baby shower the weekend after we moved up to the northwest, and she was going to be inviting me. This, of course, went completely to the back of my mind not long after she said this. I had more important things to think about such as packing and terrorizing the cats.

Now, imagine my horror at looking at the envelope and seeing the name of the city where Mack and all his ex’s grew up and the sender being “Jane”. Of course I immediately start to spazz out like “Why is she trying to contact ME!?” Quickly, my mind starts jumping to the possibilities. Could she have sent me a letter bomb? A picture of her middle finger? The possibilities were endless and in my panicked state I thought were perfectly legit and could happen (even though I know wouldn’t).

Staring at the envelope harder, after the initial spazz-attack, I caught myself and looked at the name again, harder. Then I realized this “Jane” had a different last name than the ex.

Then I realized it was pregnant-ex’s sister sending me the baby shower invite.

Picking up the phone as I drove my car back to the apartment, I called pregnant-ex who picked up the phone cheerfully. “Thanks for the heads up on the baby shower invite, jerk. You almost gave me a heart attack,” I snarled into the phone which caused her, in turn, to laugh till, I imagine, she was blue in the face.

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