Friday night, I had perhaps one of the strangest dreams in my life. Trust me when I say that I have had some pretty far out there dreams in the past. All you really have to do is meet me and talk to me for a brief period to realize I’m a pretty strange individual. Of course a strange person would have weird dreams! Duh!

For example, one dream I had in childhood gave me a lifelong aversion to poodles. True story. Of course, I think you too would have this aversion if you had a dream at six of a poodle who sucked people’s souls with its eyes had cornered you in your parents room to suck your soul after wiping out the rest of the neighborhood. It was really awkward meeting my friend Hayley’s poodle senior year of high school and I was like “Oh… a poodle” and the dog sensed my distrust and bit my butt.

That dog pretty much proved my distrust of poodles with his actions.

Friday night, I had a real whopper of a dream. Leading up to sleep I guess was pretty intense. I had to drive to the airport to pick Mack up for the weekend and it was pouring buckets of water onto the freeway. While I still adore the state of Washington and love being back, there is one thing that drives me crazy on a daily basis: the drivers and passive driving. I’ll give allowances in that I know I have road rage (obviously (and this)) but the passive nature of “no, you first, please” coupled with the massive freeway freakout over water falling from the sky in WASHINGTON STATE? I was pretty stressed and angry going to bed.

Also, I’m a really light sleeper. I will wake up to the sound of Mack lightly snoring and usually slug him and order him to roll over. I’m a caring and gentle girlfriend like that. That night, I woke up in semi-awake states and heard this faint beeping noise. Tired beyond all reason, since the cats had started CrackFest October 09! at 5:57am (since that is when my friend decided to text me) that morning, I figured it would go away and fell into a deep sleep as this faint beeping sound filled my ears.

Cue dream sequence.

In my dream the beeping noise from reality was there and, in my perfectly sane mind, it equated to turkeys. In retrospect, I had shown Mack pictures I had taken of wild turkeys— this was just before bed but why my mind jumped to turkeys as to the source of the beeping… I shall always wonder. More than anything, I wanted for the turkeys to shut up since didn’t they know I was trying to sleep? As I gradually grew more irritated in my dream, Mack popped up beside me in dream land. Calmly, as though explaining things to a child, he informed me the sound I was hearing was the Internet Turkeys and they were doing their job.

Yes. Internet Turkeys.

Think this plus internet

Mack went on to explain that the gobbling sound that they were producing (remember it was beeping so this caused great confusion to me in my dream) was the basis of the internet and what kept it running and functioning. If they stopped gobbling and making that god-awful noise then the internet would go out and I was basically back to not having internet again (much like all of last week). Frustrated, I asked Mack if there was a way to escape the sound or for them to, I don’t know, shut up a little without breaking the internet.

Gravely, Mack shook his head as he turned his back on me and went back to his laptop. “No Anne, without the Internet Turkey’s the internet would cease to be.”

Shaken to the core as to the power of these Internet Turkeys, I semi-woke up and stared up at the darkened bedroom ceiling. Gradually, as I woke up, I realize that there was this really irritating beeping coming from somewhere inside the room. Since I tend to overreact if something spooks me awake (my stomach clenches and almost throw up; welcome to Mack’s life) I shook Mack up and I informed him, not so calmly, there was beeping coming from inside the room.

WE ARE GUNNA DIE! (Read this with a Southern accent in your mind since that is how I am thinking of it. I do miss the wonderfully frustrating Southern drawl).

Calmly (unlike his girlfriend) Mack got up and started searching the room for the source of the Internet Turkey noise. Eventually it was traced back to his backpack and determined to be his noise canceling headphones which had not been turned off.

As we climbed back into bed I told him my story of the Internet Turkeys and their power of keeping the internet well and healthy. This caused Mack, naturally, to laugh his ass off at me and fall asleep chuckling about Internet Turkeys.

So there you have it. Now you know that you aren’t made up of a series of tubes but held together by the power of the Internet Turkeys and their infinite wisdom.

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