Michelle: … dude, what’s with all the phone calls we’ve been getting lately where the caller ID says only a phone number and a state name? Like we just got a call that was apparently from the state of Nevada…
Me: The adult industry wants you
Michelle: (laughing) I’m sure that’s it.
Me: You know it is.

Me: That mall really sucked. It had like, no ATMs.
Mom: Really? That surprises me.
Me: I KNOW. I searched the whole mall looking for one! There was this woman out in front of the mall with a kitten and I wanted to get some money to help her get kitten food or something.
Mom: Oh, it’s good then. The mall was protecting you from your own stupidity.
Me: But! It was a KITTEN. A BLACK KITTEN.
Mom: Case in point.

Technorati Tags: conversations, family, crazy cat lady, convos, malls, atms

While we were watching a movie Mark let out a sudden scream of sheer terror. Running across the room a spider (which was approximately the size of a small dog) was heading straight for him. After a panicked scream of “Spider! Big spider!” Mark realized that Mack wouldn’t be able to save him in time and thus threw his tile coaster and managed to direct hit and, ultimately, kill the spider.

After Mack removed the corpse the following conversation occurred:

Mark: I’m sorry Mack that I killed that spider. It was hauling ass towards me.
Me: With death in his eyes.
Mark: Exactly. Now where exactly did it come from you think?
Me: The depths of hell itself.
Mark: Well I sent it straight back there!

Technorati Tags: conversations, spiders, convos, creepy crawling creatures, disgusting, arachnophobia

Mark: How about chicken parm?
Me: What? Chicken PORN?
Mark: Chicken PARM.
Me: I was going to say, isn’t bestiality illegal?
Mack: For one, this is Washington state. Besides, as I hear it, chicken porn has way too much cock.

This, of course, made me give Mack a hearty high five for his quick thinking.

Me: Which cat is on my elbow?
Mack: Take a guess.
Me: Brutus.
Mack: Good guess.
Me: It was the soft, feminine fur.

Technorati Tags: cats, pets, cat conversations, diva, convos, relationships

Me: Oh a dead raccoon! That’s so sad!
Mack: I thought you hated raccoons.
Me: I do but that doesn’t mean I like seeing them dead on the side of the road.
Mack: You need to work on your hypocritical two-sided hatred of animals.

Me: We need to hit the grocery store.
Mack: Why?
Me: Well, unless you want me wiping my ass on the carpet.
Mack: Oh. I didn’t realize the situation was that desperate.
Me: Yes. We are out of toilet paper, as I said earlier.
Mack: I assumed the toilet paper was the reason in question… unless there is some other reason for you to play scooter across the carpet which is something I’d probably want to know ahead of time.

Technorati Tags: conversations, awkward, relationships, inappropriate conversations