Late last night Mack and I got back from our trip to Texas for my friends wedding. Lots of stories to come about the weekend (like the whole wedding party almost eating boat deck when a strong wave hit during the ceremony) but in the meantime: get a taste of a Texas wedding!

Technorati Tags: texas, weddings, summer, texan wedding, traveling, photography, casual photos

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I admit that I tend to let my desk get over-run with random crap all of the time. It’s the easiest place to simply throw stuff that I need sometime in the future but not immediately. Lately it’s been particularly bad with the move and putting stuff there.

But seriously, let’s have a breakdown of all the crap that is currently on my desk.

A) Colored pencils since my sketches must be ~full of color~ I decided.
B) Piles of books and magazines. Right now the stack includes “The AdSense Code“, “No One Cares What You Had for Lunch“, “The 4-Hour Work Week: Expanded and Updated“, and “The Photography Bible“.
C) My old cellphone and charger.
D) Dual monitor that is hooked up to my main laptop.
E) Headphones and other connecting wires.
F) My Nikon D90 (and now my Panasonic since I just downloaded all my pictures pre-trip to my friends wedding)
G) Apple related chords.
H) Piece of paper I write random notes on. This particular piece was devoted to airline ticket prices!
I) My laptop.
J) Keyboard!
K) Mouse pad and mouse
L) Let’s see, I have scrap paper with bill due dates, a prescription, 2 business cards, and another random scrap piece of paper with notes.
M) External monitor which hooks to the tower which is where I process all my photos.
N) USB jump drive
O) Glass of water. Usually you’ll find a glass or two of some sort of liquid on my desk.
P) My cell phone is usually hidden under papers somewhere. That day it was placed out in the open. Go figure!
Q) Notebook and sketchpad.
R) Work laptop which I still do contract work on for my old company.
S) Empty CD case. Don’t know why, but there you go.

Since this photo was taken I’ve amassed even more stuff on my desk and am at a seriously dangerous level of “I might be buried alive”.

So, Internet, make me feel better about how dirty my desk it and post and link pictures of your desks!

Technorati Tags: sharing, desks, workspace, work area, dirty desks, clutter

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… and Mack just informed me it’s Pyrex Cookware.

My point remains.

They’re really smart so it makes them harder to tune out

The women in Mack’s family are really good at gardening and have a real passion for it. Their passion and skills are so impressive that they make a lazy sloth like me who seriously dislikes dirt go ‘Huh, you know, I really want to have a garden someday.’ Especially when Mack and his sister get in long discussions about organic foods and the art of growing your own “farm fresh” vegetables.

Cue a few weekends ago.

Mack and I are in the process of looking into renting a house which is a process and a half. Plus, it’s been a year since we’ve moved and those of you who know us know we make a yearly habit of moving. For those of you just “met me” can read category of “moving” or the months of June and July 2008 to know we are insane and obviously love the stress. I bring up this fact since, as many you gardeners would point out, a few weeks back (and even now) is like the prime time to get our planting on.

What are these twenty-somethings to do?

After doing some extensive research Mack found that the best solution for our problem would be the Earthbox. Now, we could have ordered this product which has raves reviews but you know what? We’re impatient and cheap so decided it would be fun to try out making our own version of the Earthbox. Of course there is plenty of websites out there devoted to making them and guess what? WhoahGirl just became another one.

You lucky people!

While I will go into more detail in a more extensive post here I’ll give you more background as to the preparation, the effort that went into it, and why I was on photography duty since for some reason Mack doesn’t trust me with a box cutter.

First off it required a trip to a store where we could find a lot of our supplies (the tote, soil, etc). Unfortunately the place we decided would be the best solution would be Walmart. Mack and I have very mixed feelings about Walmart since the last few times we went there while still living in Florida everything we bought came broken. Like, it would be understandable if one bookshelf unit had damage on it but three? And a broken lamp straight off the bat? Needless to say we tended to avoid Walmart like the plague unless I was in a mood to do some people watching and enjoy the people of walmart.

What can I say? We were feeling frisky and cheap that particular Saturday. And boy, did we have fun when we hit the gardening center.

After the joy and frustration of being at Walmart (where I ended up wandering to the “entertainment center” to calm down since DVDs always have that affect on me) we went over to Home Depot. This, of course, saved Mack the effort of teasing me of how I pronounce “Lowe’s” as “LOLS!”

Two art degrees. Remember that.

Now, when it comes to “Home Improvement” I think it’s pretty safe to say that the only thing safe for me to handle would be painting the walls. Maybe. One time Mack came back to Florida from a trip and found that I had tried to build one of the shelving units and done so wrong. Three times. I don’t like reading instructions which is probably why I’m still learning how to work my Nikon D90.

I’m stubborn. I think you already knew that though.

Back to Home Depot: we went into the lumber department since we needed to get some wood “legs” for this contraption of earthy goodness. Finally, after finding a long thing of wood (I’m so technical) we were able to find an associate to cut the wood. Unfortunately he misheard Mack and cut a few pieces to the wrong size which caused him to have to start over with the right measurements. By this point Mack and I were more amused that we saw the “security code” to start the machine which was far from a secure four-digit number. As the associate cut the pieces to the right side I decided to walk around (since I hate standing in one place for too long) the huge oasis of Home Improvement in search of piping for the boxes.

Once the wood pieces were cut Mack and I managed to track each other down and found an associate to cut the pipping. Now, this part is truly frightening to the girl who attempted to cut off her finger with a razor: the associate pulled out a saw and just started cutting the pieces right there in the middle of the aisle! I held back flinching, expecting a limb to fall off, while Mack and the associate just went to town on the pipe cutting the three pieces to exact size. After all this was done and paid for we headed home with our supplies and a feeling of excitement of starting a garden.

Next post: the actual building of the Earth box by Mack since, let’s be honest: I hung back and took pictures. I like my limbs where they are, thank you very much.

Technorati Tags: earthbox, building, home improvement, do it yourself, gardening, garden, walmart, home depot, crafts

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Mack likes to say if he looks at me funny I will bruise and be black and blue for a week. I wish I could say this was a joke but at any given time I have at least five bruises on my body and a flesh wound of some sort. I mean I do have a tendency to walk into doors in the middle of the night.

Although I still maintain it jumped out at me.

I know that I’m a klutz and know I shouldn’t be handling anything that could potentially hurt myself. I know this…

Cue my latest act of stupidity and self harm from today.

I crashed up at my parents the other day and unfortunately left my razor for shaving at their house (Mack would like it to be noted that it used to be his razor. I point out it was his until he decided he had to have the black one thus giving me his old one). I’m not one of those free-loving females who likes to be one with her body and have all sorts of body hair unchecked all over my body. All the power to you if you like hairy armpits and legs but I simply can’t tolerate it.

This afternoon when I was taking a shower (shut up, I’m still unemployed and doing freelance gigs thus pj’s are a morning must) I realized yet again my misfortunate of having no razor. But wait!, I brilliantly thought, I had the replaceable heads I could hold in my fingers and shave my armpits!

I bet you know where this is going.

Fortunately for me I was able to shave without incident. So why’d I have to tempt fate and decide to clean the razor in the sink? By tapping the razor blade with my fingers. Yes. Tapping. With my fingers.

A few taps in the slight stinging sensation on my middle finger alerted me that I had, yet again, managed to mutilate myself. As I rushed to stop the bleeding I silently screamed to myself, ‘Why me?’ And ‘why does water make it hurt MORE?!’

I swear to you: I should buy stock in band-aids. With the rate I go through them I could be a very happy investor by the time I hit 30… if I don’t accidentally kill myself first.

Technorati Tags: klutz, injuries, stupid mistakes, being stupid, shaving mishaps

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Not to link links or anything.

Ree is a woman of many talents and through her website it’s actually given me a desire to learn to cook (!), try gardening, and learn more about photography. I guess with photos I always felt that you had to take the perfect shot and couldn’t do much in the way of post production work. Pioneer Woman taught me that yes, while taking an amazing shot is a plus, post production work isn’t something to be ashamed of.

Thanks for that, PW.

Anyway, even though I’m a self professed newbie fan of hers it didn’t stop me from going all fangirl when I heard that she was going a mini book tour and would be up here in Seattle.

Cue minor heart attack and email to Emily of “WE ARE SO GOING TO THIS.” All in caps and horrifying in the intensity in which I emailed it.

Unfortunately the day before the big event Emily was unable to come up for it thus it was decided (or arm twisted enough) that Mack would instead go with me. Mack, being the good sport that he is, went along for the ride to humor his girlfriend in her fangirl ways.

This was only my second book signing to date. The first one I did a few years ago with Hayley to see Philippa Gregory when she was doing a book tour for “The Constant Princess”. It was kind of a small signing with perhaps about fifty fans. The thing I really remember about it though? I had a runny nose the whole time.

Slightly related thing about me: I get a runny nose when I’m nervous. What’s up with that, body?

Anyway, since this was my second book signing I went in not really knowing how it would go down and thinking la-de-da! it might be kind of a small intimate affair like the last book signing I went to! Yes, I went into this painfully oblivious as to the fanbase and intensity of Pioneer Woman’s powers. I thought it might last only an hour or two to wait to get the book signed and we’d be out the door to my parents house to get some stuff we needed to get.

Wrong.

On so many levels was I wrong.

Four and a half hours later (and lots of book window shopping and iPhone games) my group, G, was finally called and victory was soon mine. Now, I had brought my Nikon D90 but here’s the thing: I’m painfully shy. Like, I don’t like asking people to take their photos since I myself hate having my photograph taken. It’s something I seriously need to work on especially when it was finally our turn to go up the people helping Ree out balked that I didn’t have a camera. I had left it in the car. I had my phone and I think they were unimpressed that I asked for a photo taken with my phone with the amazing Pioneer Woman herself.

Duly noted: get over my shyness and realize it’s okay to take photos at book events. I worried I’d make her feel like a zoo animal or something by taking her picture. Obviously I’m a touch over-critical about this stuff.

When we went up to Ree she was, as stated, one of the nicest people ever. When I requested she sign the copy of her book I bought for Emily with a special message not only did she get a kick out of it but actually KNEW what we were referencing. Like, she reads her twitter at-reply messages! I was blown away. Seriously.

Sorry Emily for embarrassing you so thoroughly in front of Pioneer Woman. She totally got a kick out of it though!

(referencing a tweet)

All in all? I adore the Pioneer Woman and think you should all buy her book! It’s made me, the person who hates being in the kitchen, excited to try to make all of this food! Plus, it’s supporting a, pardon the language, kick ass woman who is the nicest and coolest person you’ll ever meet.

Now, when her next book comes out I’ll know to actually bring along my camera.

Technorati Tags: the pioneer woman, pioneer woman, book tour, mini book tour, made of awesome, pioneer woman book tour, seattle book tour event

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Something about them, especially at sunset, draws me in.

It brings up pleasant memories from my childhood of going up to Lopez Island for the weekend and how much fun that always was.

Hayley was very kind and appeased me by taking me down to the Edmonds ferry dock back in February.

She even let me stop and take random pictures of berries.

I love being able to see the various birds flying around the dock and how close you are to nature.

Don’t get me started on my love of seagulls…

and other strange birds you see along the water…

I guess there is just something about staring into the sunset at a ferry dock (especially pointing your camera at the sun when I’ve been told that’s a big no-no) that makes you feel alive and at peace with the world.

I guess this means I should conquer my fear of water, huh?

(check out the rest of my photos taken at the ferry dock that day)

Technorati Tags: puget sound, ferry docks, ferry, sunset, sunset photographs, waterfront, waterfront photos, nature, wild animals, marine life

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I thought so.

My 25th birthday was fairly uneventful and relaxing, just how I want it. I’ve mentally caught myself today a few times going “Holy shit I am 25… I don’t feel 25…” I think the greatest gift by far was that Mack’s Dad is on the mend (better words to serve the situation justice would be directly from Mack’s mother in her blog posts here and here) and life is good.

Since I’m feeling particularly sappy this birthday, here are 25 life lessons/things of importance (in no particular order) I’ve learned in the last 25 years:

1. Family is who you laugh with, you cry with, and who drives you crazy. I’m so thankful for my family and the families who let me into their lives and teach me so much.
2. Getting dirty isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes it’s half the fun.
3. Take risks. You never know if you’ll like something until you try it out.
4. Sometimes the best things in life are free. Other times they’re pretty expensive but worth it in the end.
5. Pay attention to the small details. They might be the most important and life altering.
6. Travel. The whole world is at your finger tips and it expands your knowledge/life/understanding so much.
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Even the stuff you think is big ultimately it might not be.
8. Life is fragile and not to be taken for granted.
9. Don’t judge a book by a cover… although sometimes your initial impressions of people turn out to be true. Give them a chance first.
10. It’s okay to admit you need help and you don’t know all the answers.
11. Relationships are hard work. It makes them that more enriching and worth it.
12. Try new foods that might otherwise be scary. To go with point 3 you never know until you try how much you might love something.
13. Communicate your needs/wants/desires. Don’t assume people know what is going through your mind.
14. Sometimes the best car trips are going no where with someone you love by your side and the open road in front of you.
15. Don’t limit yourself or sell yourself short. You might think and know someone else is better at something out there but why beat yourself up over it? Know your limitations and shortcomings and work and making them better.
16. Nothing is more relaxing than the touch of someone you love.
17. Dance. And sing. Even if it gets you looks let go with wild abandon.
18. Make new friends and acquaintances to go with ones you have. Never limit the number of friends.
19. Cut out the drama and poison you don’t need to deal with. It creates unnecessary stress and ultimately, who is it helping?
20. Learn to enjoy yourself. Love yourself. Know what a worthwhile individual you are. If you don’t believe it than why should others believe it?
21. Try to learn something new everyday. If you can’t do that, improve upon something you know everyday. Always strive to be a better person.
22. Be loyal to those around you and give devotion, patience, and caring to those who deserve it. Show those who you love that you do love them with your whole heart.
23. Listen to music. Read. Actual do these things and pay attention.
24. Relax.
25. Smile.

Technorati Tags: life lessons, birthday, family, important, lessons, life, twenty-five, aging

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“Winter dies into the spring, to be born again in the autumn.”
- Marche Blumenberg

Technorati Tags: winter, photography, quotes

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Friday night after I got home I noticed I had missed a call from my brother Noah at 11:30pm. Concerned, I called him back to find out the devastating news: they had to put down Midnight.

Midnight first came into our lives when I was a freshman in high school. One of Noah’s clients’ grandchildren was followed home from school by this big love of a black dog who wanted nothing more than a pet on the head and attention. Unfortunately they lived in a house with no yard and told Noah of their problem. My parents, already the happy owners of the spunky yellow lab Sierra, agreed to open their arms and hearts to another animal.

Sierra and Midnight were partners in crime and loved each other so deeply. Wherever Sierra went Midnight was usually close behind watching her back or there to reap the benefits of her begging for treats. Where Sierra was in your face and hyper active Midnight counter-acted her spunky energy and gave her a zen and calming force to keep her in check. Yellow and Black they were each other’s ying and yang.

Fall of 2006, Sierra was slowing down and not as much of the peppy puppy that she had been for years. She wasn’t old by any stretch of the imagination but the years were slowly catching up with her.

Then she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Sierra bravely pushed forward and tried to hide her pain from the her beloved family. We saw her slowing down and tried to hope for the best outcome for her. Through it Midnight was her rock, cuddling up to her and knowing when she was pushing herself and silently getting her to slow down and take each moment as they came. By December she was in too much pain, the cancer spreading too rapidly, and we had to put her down.

We all handled her death really hard. The diagnosis was shattering and from the time we heard “cancer” we had a few short weeks left with her before it became too much. Everyone in the family was devastated by the loss of Sierra. None as much as Midnight.

I honestly don’t think Midnight ever got over the loss of Sierra. The years caught up to Midnight with her death and for weeks, months, years he’d go around the house as though part of him was missing. My parents eventually adopted another dog, Maggie, who served as an energetic companion but I don’t think Sierra could ever be replaced in Midnights heart. Sometimes you’d look at him and see the air of such sadness and loss it just broke your heart.

When I moved back this summer I was surprised at how old Midnight had gotten in the time I had been gone. Every time I went up to visit my parents I’d fear it’d be the last time I’d see Midnight alive. I tried taking as many pictures as I could but something in his past, before he came into our lives, gave him such an aversion to cameras that I didn’t want to stress him out and tried to let him sleep in peace. He had slowed down and the gravity of a life at its end weighted down upon him and brought an almost sense of peace to the great black dog.

Tuesday I went up to my parents house to do dinner with my brother and parents and Midnight wasn’t feeling well. He had had surgery to remove a tumor and slept most of the time. At one point he tried to get up but just couldn’t find the strength or energy to get up and stand on his legs. My brother helped him up and all of us avoided eye contact while praising Midnight. The end was near but none of us was really ready to accept it yet.

Friday night my Dad took the dogs out for their nightly walk before he went to bed. Midnight, tired and hating the dark, opted to stand in the driveway as my Dad took Maggie down the street to do her business. When my Dad got back Midnight had collapsed on the driveway and couldn’t get up despite his valiant efforts. Dad went upstairs in tears to find my Mom who called Noah thinking he was out. Fortunately, Noah was home and was able to bring his car around, wrap a warm blanket around Midnight, and drive him to the animal ER where he had to ultimately be put down.

Writing this entry is the first time I’ve cried about the passing of Midnight. I’ve been telling myself repeatedly good stories about Midnight and taken comfort in the fact that he had a long happy life with us. He was a well loved dog with a heart of gold and a doggie smile that could light up a room. I know if there is an afterlife that he’s reunited with Sierra and oh-so-happy. He’s sorely missed by all and left behind a void in all our hearts that yearns to be reunited. I’m glad his suffering is over and take comfort in him being apart of our lives for so long but still, it hurts and I miss our dog.

Midnight, you were a good dog and shall sorely be missed. We’ll never forget you boy.

Technorati Tags: dogs, dog, death, rainbow bridge, animal passing, euthanasia, pet death, animal death, loss, bereavement

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I’ve always been a perpetual worrier. I also am, for lack of a better word, a nurturer (someone else gave me this title and I can’t think of any other non-egocentric way of putting it). One thing that has been repeated told to me is that I need to “learn how to be selfish”. I know my “enemies” and those who don’t truly know me might think “Gawd Anne you’re a really selfish person already,” but a) shut up and b) you don’t honestly know me.

Sure, I think humans are for the most part very selfish egocentric individuals who’s primary focus is themselves and their own gratification, screw other people. I’m a very cynical person but then again, I know many of these people. I can be selfish as all heck sometimes so when I was told, point blank, that I need to learn how to be selfish and stop trying to be a people pleaser it shocked me. I was told whenever I want to do something for someone else I need to stop and think “What will I be getting out of it? Will it make me happy?” These thoughts are weird to me and make me, honestly, sometimes feel shitty that I have to learn to think this way.

What comes hand-in-hand with my low self esteem sometimes is thinking negatively about myself. I hear I’m a people pleaser and to “learn to be selfish” and self-doubt takes over and I’m like “Well, I already think I’m pretty selfish and should do more for those who I love.” Then my mind falls back on the conversation and, if you try to please people too much and focus on them instead of yourself, you’ll eventually drive them away.

Yes, I know, I need to turn off my mind sometimes. I over-analyze and tend to “beat a dead horse” about stuff. I say all the stuff above because when people are truly rude to me, go out of their way to be mean, and take me for granted? It hurts. I know it hurts everyone in their own ways but I internalize stuff too much and physically feel my chest and throat tighten as my mind says “You suck, that is why they are so rude to you.”

Since November I’ve been working really, really hard on the self esteem issue (among other things). It’s an uphill battle sometimes with set-backs and a lot of self reflection as to why I react to stuff the way I react. Why do I let stuff get under my skin so much till I cry since someone decided to be a jerkface to me? I’ve managed leaps and bounds with my self esteem and hardly ever make negative comments about my physical appearance (which, if you know me, is a HUGE accomplishment for me). As I talk through stuff with people they wonder why I have these thoughts and negativity about myself since I’m an “awesome person”. Logically, I know these things. I know I’m worthwhile, awesome, pretty, unique, and all sorts of other wonderful words. Logically I know these things.

Emotionally? Not so much. I’m working on it but it’s a slow process.

The past two months have been full of lots of reflection and changes for the positive for myself and examining the not so glamourous stuff. It’s hard and sucks sometimes but needing done. While I have set backs along the way I’m glad I’m taking charge and “fixing stuff” and trying to emotionally understand that I’m worthwhile and fuck those who don’t realize it.

I’m who I am and there is no one else I’d rather be. It’s my mantra I say daily and slowly, I’m coming to realize these things and that ultimately? I’m cool. Simple as that.

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