Dear Acidic Beverages -

I get it. You just don’t like me. I realize there has been a struggle, you and I, throughout my life as we figure out how my body will handle processing you. Perhaps you are getting even with me in my adult years for forsaking drinking orange juice until I was an adult. Was it my fault that my body could not handle the acidic nature in which orange juice is comprised of? Apparently so. 

Perhaps, acidic beverages, you decided to exact your revenge for that one time when I was four years old that I decided to eat a container of vitamin C tablets. It seemed like a good idea at the time, let me tell you, popping tablet after tablet until about half of the bottle was gone. But don’t worry: I definitely regretted it both in the short and the long term. It’s almost as good as the time I decided to drink all eight literal cups (out of a measuring cup no less) of water in one sitting… but that is a different story entirely.

But seriously? Now that my body can finally handle the concentrated beverage of orange juice without the gag reflect, why must you make me break out in canker sores in my mouth? And why, oh why, must you do it with any beverage/pill/or anything that remotely might have vitamin C or something that is not water/milk/fruit juice/does not have a bland/neutral pH balance? Similarly, even with orange flavored Airborne you decide to make my mouth break out in canker sores which leads to much in the way of awkward instances with anything relating to opening my mouth to eat or brush my teeth. Heck, it even makes washing my face at night awkward.

Do you find it amusing, acidic drinks, that I baffled my doctor by telling him that I have some sort of reaction to acidic drinks and get the canker sores? Does it give you perverse pleasure, acidic drinks, to know he didn’t believe me? Time and time again the same results have happened and people think I’m some sort of freak of nature for my bodies reaction.

I say we call a truce, or at least learn to work with each other. Can’t I enjoy a glass of orange juice once in awhile and not live to regret it for a week? Is that too much to ask?

Sincerely,
Anne

p.s. I don’t find it particularly amusing that lemonade now gives me stomach cramps. Pick one reaction and stick to it please.