Category Archives: the south

Creative Ways People Take Out the Trash in our Apartment Complex

I swear to you I have seen these all while living in this apartment complex:

  • Driving through the complex with trash on roof of their car.
  • Riding bike while holding trash in one hand.
  • Pushing it on a skateboard.
  • Driving with it on the trunk (not in trunk, on).
  • Driving with it on the hood of their car.
  • Pushing it on top of babies stroller.
  • Holding leash controlling kid in one hand, dragging trash with other.
  • Open truck containing trash bouncing along.
  • Man smoking cigarette and talking on cellphone while girlfriend carries garbage.
  • Dog carrying trash bag in mouth.
  • RARELY backseat of car or within closed trunk.

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Things I Like About Florida

I complain a lot of about living in Florida and The South (and am planning my escape daily), however I thought I’d change gears and focus on the positives in living here:

  • Wildlife a part of your every day. Sure, I realize that most cities have some sort of wildlife but, for the most part, it is contained and you don’t see much of it besides pigeons and rats. Every day, walking around or driving home from work I tend to see big birds that could mess your shit up if they so chose. Mack and I have also, on three separate occasions, saved turtles who are wandering in the road. And what else? One word: alligators.
  • Spring. The weather is perfect right now. Not so humid and hot that you want to rip your skin off just to cool down your organs. It’s been in the high 70s, low 80s with manageable humidity. This is trapping Jon into a false sense of “I can handle this” right now. Wait until summer. But everything is in bloom here and I’m thoroughly enjoying the wild flowers everywhere. So much so that I started drifting into a random lane in looking at the flowers while driving. Mack will, of course, never let me live it down.
  • Sunsets. I don’t remember too many sunsets growing up in Seattle. Before you get in a huff, northwest (and thus dislodging the moss that covers your body) I said “too many”. The ones I remember were of course beautiful. Phoenix, as well, had some stunning ones since nothing was really there to block it. The sunset touching the desert? Breathtaking. Florida sunsets, however, leave me stunned every night at the color palette that fills the sky and the unique view I have that day. I don’t think in our time here I have seen a single sunset that is the same. I do have an entire flickr set devoted to Florida skies after-all.
  • People who over-share. I like to over-share. This, sometimes, drives Mack, friends, and family up the wall. In some regards, I feel no shame when I do open my mouth to give you input. Southern people, from what I have experienced, feel the same way. Last night, for example, we went to the grocery store and happened to walk by a man who was in a deep (and loud) conversation on his cell phone. Once his conversation was done, he turned to us and started giving us a blow-by-blow as to the background and the circumstances of the call and his opinion on the matters. He and I happened to go down the same aisle and he informed me that the other grocery store you could gets deals on all these items! Afterwards I informed Mack that I could be social when the need arises. Mack pointed out it wasn’t so much I was being social but being bludgeoned by that dude’s conversation.
  • Warm beaches. Sure, I want to harpoon or strangle the beach bums and those who spend hours on the beach (GET A JOB). This is due primarily to the fact that these people have a major sense of entitlement. This extends, of course, to my work’s parking lot which the beach crowd feels they may use despite the signs saying “PRIVATE LOT” and “CARS WILL BE TOWED.” But if you take away the idiots that travel in mass to the beaches, I enjoy having warm beaches with sunshine, sand, and beautiful sun-kissed waves. Beaches in the northwest are typically cold, grey, with rocks instead of sand. While this did not hinder the childhood efforts of jumping in the frigid Strait of Juan de Fuca, it’s kind of nice to know if I jumped in these waters it’d be warm enough to really have to worry about sharks.
  • Lower cost of living. I don’t know what it is about the west coast/areas that aren’t the south, but the cost of living there is kind of ridiculous. For a smaller two-bedroom apartment, Mack and I were paying about $300 more a month when we were living in Phoenix. At first, the lower cost of living made me suspicious like “What is wrong with this place?” and while I could draw some conclusions I’ll keep it on a positive note: lower-cost of living is nice. Especially in this economy.
  • Space Launches. Do I honestly need to say more?
  • History everywhere. Not saying Phoenix and Seattle doesn’t have history behind it but, at least where we are, they embrace it more fully and it is a part of your every day. We are about thirty minutes from St. Augustine, which is the oldest European occupied city in the United States. Plus: it has a giant cross! And fountain of youth! I also love being semi-close to Civil War battle grounds since I’m a history buff (and also weird).

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The South Bites Back

Having grown up in the wilds of the northwest I’m used to stuff out in nature wanting to kill me. You get used to daddy longlegs chilling and thinking about making you their next meals. My parents lived in the suburbs of Seattle so coyotes weren’t that unusual to see wandering around in the street looking for their next meal. One time, in the late 80′s, my older brother Adam went on a bike ride and ran into (not literally since I doubt he’d still be around to day) a bear out with her cubs. As civilization spreads more and more into the wilderness, the animals who once lived in the wilderness have to adapt to us.

When I moved to Phoenix, to say I was surprised about the wild animals in Phoenix would be the understatement of the year. Yes, I get that it was a part of the “wild west” but, again, it was 2007 and from what I could see of the city there wasn’t much there to make me fear. My brother’s brother-in-law had a horrible scorpion problem at his house but the ignorant part of me figured I’d probably never really encounter anything out of the ordinary in my apartment while I lived there.

Until I found a giant spider in my apartment about a month after moving there.

At this time, I didn’t know Mack, and so didn’t have someone I could scream at while I hid on my bed whimpering and pointing (as I have done since we started dating [Mack's note: she does this about spiders, not about me]). I had to take care of the hideous abomination against mankind, before my stupid cat decided to eat it and potentially kill himself by the spiders wrath.

But, besides spiders, I never really ran into anything horribly nasty in my time in Phoenix. The only time I ran into a scorpion was while waiting outside, in line for the roller derby. I was about to lean back against a brick wall. Lucky for me, Mack noticed the baby scorpion (aka the ones to fear) on the wall, so I kept a respectful distance from that wall, as to not piss off the creature. While out driving on a few occasions, Mack and I encountered coyotes running around in business complexes near our apartment. Mack’s apartment there, before we moved in with each other, was cockroach central (due in no part to Mack but rather the shitty apartment complex) as well as the head quarters to the Kitty Mafia.

But that is a story for another time and another person to tell.

In moving to The South, aka more Georgia then Florida, I have been surprised by the sheer amount of nature out there that is out to kill me. Not only do we have man-eating bees the size of my eyeballs (carpenter bees) roaming around looking for fights, we also have the added joys of the cockroaches, lizards, and other nasty creepy crawling stuff that thrives in practically tropical environments. Also, the turtles. There are turtles everywhere and, as a result, on multiple occasions Mack and I have had to pull a U-turn and save their slow shells from getting pegged, because they were on the road.

As of this moment, here in Florida, it’s 83°F and 75% humidity. To a girl raised in the northwest this is almost Hell on earth.

“But Anne,” you, the reader, could argue, “just because you are disgusted by the creepy crawling creatures doesn’t mean that they are out to kill you!” True, reader, but did you not know that we have alligators here? That like to just chill in puddles? Also, did you know, that they can reach up to 35 mph if they set their minds to it? Luckily, the worst I have encountered of those unfriendly storm drain dwellers is, thus far, in the car as I drive by and cringe into myself and cry to Mack that it looked at me funny (to be read same as: he wants to eat me).

Don’t get me wrong, all you have to do it look at my flickr account to see I love being outdoors and photographing it, but storm drain ninja alligators? Not so much on my list of good times. Perhaps it’s just be being embittered that I am allergic to this state and have had more creepy crawling creatures crawling on me (in bed while trying to sleep… thanks Mack for knocking that ant off the ceiling so it could find its way to crawl up in my arm, in the dark) then should constitute legal.

I guess all I am saying to people thinking of visiting or moving to the south is this: the south bites back… or at least lurks in ditches waiting to stare at you with a hungry glint in its eyes.

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