Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with being unemployed. It has a tendency to strike out of nowhere and almost bring me to my knees because of what a humbling experience it is. Rejection after rejection from various jobs I’ve applied to (or never hearing from them at all) makes me question my abilities and talents. Are my designs not professional enough? Should I have perhaps used another color? I try not to take it personally when I hear that they’ve gone with someone else or they can’t offer me a position at this time but deep down I wonder: what’s wrong with me?
People ask me how the job hunt is going and usually I laugh airily and reply, “Oh, same old same old.” Only Mack and my family really knows the extent of how much it gets under my skin and makes me question if I have what it takes to be a designer. I know there are other people out there who have more natural talent but gosh darn it, I have drive! The desire to learn! I’m a hard worker who is willing to learn what it takes to do the job.
But sometimes that isn’t enough.
Looking through web design jobs they want more years of experience then I have or more coding background with the ability to design with the best. I can code, sure, but what I’m finding is companies wanting programmer-designer hybrids who can do it all for very little money. I’m sorry but in my experience they are very different mind sets and I am very sorry mine is the design, not coding, one.
In my desperation I’ve applied for a few retail jobs and have only heard back from one, which was a polite email to inform me that sorry, they were unable to offer me a position at this time. I’ve worked retail before and can do it well so why the rejection? Is it my multiple degrees and years of design experience? I just can’t seem to win!
I’m fortunate in that my old company still has me do contract work for them for a few hours a week. Also, I have another contract job I’m very fortunate to be doing, as well. It’s not like there isn’t any cash flow, no matter how little, coming in but not having the constant stream stresses me out to the point I write down a list of bill due dates and amounts as I tally my bank account and rack my brain for ideas of businesses I could potentially do.
These thoughts get into my mind and will sometimes drag me down but then I come crashing down to reality and realize I don’t have a job but I have my family, friends, health, a roof over my head, and of course a supportive and loving boyfriend who reaches out to me in my dark times of anxiety and reminds me it’s okay.
Last night, when we were leaving Knowledge Night at a local pub we were walking towards the car in the crisp “summer” evening and noticed a multitude of cop cars blockading the street with a fire truck parked against the building, fire fighter at the top of the ladder not moving. When we rounded the building we saw a girl hanging over the ledge threatening to jump. Hecklers in the street were yelling at her to jump while others shouted for her it wasn’t worth it! Seeing her, worrying about her, humbled me that she felt so desperate that she was in that situation. Not wanting to stand around and stare (and probably agitate her further) we got into the car and left hoping for the best.
No matter how hard I perceive my situation to be, it could always be worse. We all just have to remember: “Everythings Gonna be Alright”
Technorati Tags: unemployment, jobs, job market, bad economy, humbling experiences, life
